Picking up the pieces.

Well today I went and saw a counselor. I just knew it would be best for me. The counselor told me that if he would have been close to me and I told him that I was OK he would have known I was telling a lie.

I also called my cousin and spoke and prayed with her. She had sent my whole family a letter about what she wanted to do as a christmas present. And after everything happen I found it really hard to put words on paper. She wanted every one in the family to write how God has blessed them.

This is in no certain order but here are a few of my blessings.
-I first want to mention all the people who he has already called home. Because many of them has help shape me into the person I'm today and some of them I did not meet in person my hear of the often at family functions.
-my parents I'm truly blessed that they gave me and my sisters a loving stable home. I know I do not thank them enough.
-Greg, i prayed for a long time for God to bless me with a wonderful husband and thankfully he blessed me with you. I realize we have our moments but in the end we still have each other.
-Landon, Once Greg and I knew we were ready to start a family and having no success naturally, we tried two IVF attemps and again no success. So we choose adoption for our family. God truly blessed us with you Landon.
-my sisters Kym and Kyra you are the best sisters anyone could ask for. I know there were many times that you would have walked away but you did not and Thank you for that.
-the list could go on but since i'm having trouble seeing through the tears.
My God Bless You

Moving on

Today we have contacted our attorney and our adoption agency to start the process again. We still need to really narrow down some minor details on how or what we are willing to handle with the next adoption.

I still have my emotional times and my temper gets the best of me but I will be OK. Tonight was a great night at our house Landon just has a way of letting you know everything is going to be OK.

I just ordered pictures to put in our Christmas Cards. Thank goodness that the cards are made just need to get them addressed but that will get done.

Lots of Love

Winter Weather is upon us

Winter is here just wish I could see some accumulation of white stuff (snow)

Each day is getting easier:
I still answer we will be ok not ready to say yes I'm OK

With Landon and Greg around how could anyone have a bad day.
Those are two of my favorite men in my life.

I still pray that Braden is being cared for I know he is loved.

Moving On

I and the rest of my family will be OK as of today no I'm not OK.

Why is life so hard with so many unanswered questions.

How can a women with no job living from family member to family member be capable of taking care of three children (3 and Under)?

Why does or government and society think people deserve to have the free handouts?
do not get me wrong I do understand that some people are down on there luck.

Why does it seem that me as an adoptive parent I have no rights?
We had to pay for about $250 in living expenses, $800 for a lawyer that she never spoke with, and not to mention we had Braden in our custody for one week then had him taken from us.

I will never know her reason I just hope she gives him the life that she knew she could not and the life she knew we could give him.

Why, How, that is the Question

Why did we have the baby that we loved, protected, comforted, etc for one week taken from us?

We will never know the answer to that question and truthfully I probably do not want to know the truth.

I really feel that the last few weeks of my life were a complete lie:

• I want you to be the parents for my child. I can not provide for him the way he deserves
• He will be the only grandchild I do not have to worry about.
• I want him to have a future and I know he will have a chance with you.
• My mind is made up, I'm not going to change my mind.
• Every time I talk to you I'm at ease with my decision./
• I guess I should stop rambling.

I guess when someone dies you at least know they are going to a better place. I pray Braden is going to be OK. I also pray that birth mom will take care of him and change her lifestyle for her children's sake.

Greg and I have picked up the pieces and are trying to move on. We had an awesome day with just the three of us. And I cherish every moment we have as a family.

I realize God has a plan for us and in the long run I truly believe he was protecting us.

Heartbroken.

Just had to do the hardest thing in my life. We were going to adopt a baby boy that we had named Braden. Seen him from the second he was born and loved him for about three weeks before he was born. And, now after a week of having him in our custody Birthmom has decided to parent. He will always be in my heart and I will always pray for him. I realize Landon is only three but for one week he was an awesome big brother. I will post more in the future.